I want to talk about an unusul, strong emotion gave me a light bulb moment.
Now, I am not up for envy or coverting the achievements and success of others. Although I lack a bit of self confidence, I feel blessed to be who I am and lead the life I lead. I love my adventure and the people in it, and I rarely feel I want what other people have. Envy and I are not well aquainted, thankfully.
So when one day last week I felt a surge of envy that brought me to my knees, I was really surprised and totally out of my comfort zone.
As a proud Ambassador of the Women of Contribulation movement I am about support, celebration, inspiration and being delighted by the lives and work of others, especially women, so I felt ashamed and really confused.
What could this mean?
I had been watching a webinar replay of a woman I admire, and became so emotional as she talked. Not only has she found her purpose, but was so in tune with it that when she spoke about it her energy could raise the roof, she had developed her own fantastic method and was serving loads of people with her work and making a good living doing so.
"I want some of that!" "When will it happen for me", I cried like a baby.
Of course, I was absolutely so happy for her and still felt celebration, admiration and proud of a woman in her power, showing up in the world. I was happy she was living her bliss.
Absolutely Yes! This is not the point.
But I was in self judgement and comparision and it did not feel good. I felt that I was failing. I felt that I was not on purpose, not succeeding and I wanted to be as sure as she was. I wanted to raise the roof when I talked about my work and I hadn't been recently.
So, Envy, Thank you for the wake up call.
The strong emotion was a message that I was out of alignment. That I was pushing too hard against the grain, and not allowing. I wasn't being patient. I was in fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear or critcism, fear of not being good enough. I felt like I wasnt going to find my way.
"Envy comes from people's ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts" Jean Vanier
I realised I had been teaching but not putting much time into my own practice, which I love and need, I realised I had been ignoring my intuition about a few things that weren't working and I was on my own path, it was unique and that's okay. I realised that everything is working out perfectly and the universe has my back if I let it. I am good enough.
And since that moment of realisation and surrender I feel different, like something shifted. I feel more peaceful and faith is restored. My classes have gone well, including my children's classes which can sometimes be wild, and I have had lovely feedback from clients.
I changed some funky energy and I have Envy to thank.
There are no negative emotions only flags, signposts and alarms that give us messages. Staying in the emotion and dwelling, culviatiing stories and excuses is where the pain sets in..
Listen to the message, reflect and process.. Job done.. ..until the next time.
"As Iron is eaten by rust, so are the envious eaten by envy" Anon